I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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