I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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