worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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