I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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