You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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