just tell him i said nine months
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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