your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
