Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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