I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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