This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
