I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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