I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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