I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize