6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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