My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
