She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How's work?
Spinning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
