How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize