He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
