so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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