I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
