she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
