This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
