She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
