She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
