I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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