I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
