so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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