i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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