my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
