there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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