you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
