Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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