I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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