Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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