Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
