are you still at the devil's house?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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