My brain says no but my pants say off.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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