i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
