My liver just broke up with me...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
