Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
