went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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