i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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