Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
