I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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