what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
