i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
