I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
