I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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