You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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