soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
