got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
