You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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