dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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