i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
