this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
