The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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