He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize