The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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