i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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