I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
