sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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