If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
