the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
