Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
